Considered a comic genius by a wide many*, to others a Rain Man-like spastic figure**, the enigmatic Lord Darbyshire*** remains a hero to those who subsidise his comfortable existence as a distant relative of the Royals, whilst they tire endlessly in the corn fields in a vain attempt to procure the funds to get their morbidly ill children, sufferers of the latest in vogue disease, looked at by some two-bit, half-wit, drunken buffoon of an aristocratic doctor****, as he lives a life of glamour and luxury unparalleled by the fourteen richest counts of Europe. A champion runner***** (I suppose you could call him a true Marathon Man), he courted controversy in the athletics world by "running" his races whilst sitting in a sedan chair held aloft by several dwarfs, who you could argue were responsible for the actual legwork.
A native of Cat Island, The Bahamas, he grew up in poverty as the son of a dirt farmer******. He had little formal education. In the U.S., he first experienced the racial chasm that divides the country, a great shock to a boy coming from a society with a black majority. After a long struggle, he broke into the film industry. One of his films, "The Defiant Ones", gave him his first Academy Award nomination as Best Act-
Our sincere apologies, Lord Darbyshire's biography seems to have been confused with that of Sidney Poitier. Once again, apologies to any who may have been offended by this. On with the biography:
Five years later, he won the Oscar for "Lillies of the Field", the first black to win for a leading role. He maintained activity on stage, on screen, and in the burgeoning Civil Rights movement. His roles in "Guess Who's Coming To Dinner"******* and "To Sir, With Love"******** were for their time landmarks in the breaking down of social barriers between blacks and whites, and his talent, conscience, integrity, and inherent likability placed him on equal footing with the white stars of the day-
Really, can't you bastards get anything right? That's still Poitier's bio! You know sometimes I wonder why I only hire immigrant child workers*********. I'll bloody do it myself:
Significant events in which Lord Darbyshire played a crucial part include Cortez's Raping and Pillaging Forays into South America**********, the Armenian Genocide, the lunar landing and the rise to power of Colonel Gaddafi in Libya. He was The Graduate, sorry, a graduate of the College of Horse Tranquillising, Dundee in 1934. He spent time in the American West, managing cattle herds late at night, a Midnight Cowboy of sorts, I suppose, and here the biography will stop as the mescaline takes over and I lose the use of my hands.
